Dear God...

I decided the other night God, that I don't think I understand life. Not that anyone really does, but seriously, I feel like I am in the biggest test in my life and it has lasted...oh let's say 26 years and 7 months.

You give people dispositions right? So why give me THIS personality and THEN give me all of these trials that absolutely make me want to take a bottle full of medication and sleep it all away? Seriously?! You have to know what the fuck is going on...

And what's with this "idea" of giving it all up to you. Let you take my burden...well I thought a few prayers ago I distinctly asked for your help with this...leaving it up to you. Let you do your will, well unless your will is to keep me so miserable I decide to just give up, then I ain't feeling an easiness!

God, I don't hate you, more so b/c I am scared that if I did that I would go to hell or get struck by lightening and the go to hell.

How about this, I won't be selfish this time...

Dear God,

Please let him(you know who I am talking about God) find some sort of peace in life. I want him to smile more and laugh. To have moments where he feels like he's floating on clowds, have his dreams come true. Seriously, let his artistry be known and appreciated b/c that is what he wants. Let him entertain the people he wants. Let him bring smiles to others. Then, he can maybe honestly let what I did to him go. Not all for MY benefit, but for him. He can't stay this angry all the time or it will eat him alive.

You're dying daughter,

Me.

How's that? Will that work? I know it comes from a selfish place of my own sanity...but I NEED A BREAK! The guilt is consuming me to no end and I am sick and tired of writing stories not b/c I want to be creative but to write about a reality that helps me escape my own! My stories are drabble that aren't even worth my time, but if I don't write them I won't dream. I won't wish for anything, I will continue to be a mindless and emotionless zombie just trying to make it through another day.

This isn't a plea for help for my life...I don't see me slitting my wrists...I just want you to understand God, I think you got a piece of my story a little fucked up. I don't feel like Karma is right on this...I think the negative is sorta just coming...and coming...and coming...

Amen

And to all you people reading this...Yea, its a pity party for me, so if you don't like it...GET THE FUCK OFF THE PAGE!

4 weeks!!

In 4 weeks now I should be in Myrtle beach with my BFF and gettin ready to enjoy David Cook(or what me and Stinky call D-Pain.

So I am super duper excited and can't wait for my 3 in 4 coming up!!!


(I wrote this on Thursday Sept. 17th, so it IS accurate!)

5 Weeks and 1 Day! Before 3 in 4!

3 in 4. I have chanted that since the announcement of David Cook being at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach. I have already had plans to go to the SC State Fair Oct. 17 and GA State Fair on the 18, but now on Oct. 15, I will be in Myrtle Beach! The best 4 days of my life are coming up...in 5 weeks and 1 day!

I had planned on a countdown last go around, which didn't work out too well, thanks to...well...HIM(no not God, Thankfully, he is mostly on my side...I think.)

So I am trying again! I don't know if it will be days or if it will weeks or both...it will be when I need to remind myself that I have a great adventure, and Seriously Mr. Cook, if I don't meet you in these 4 days, seriously! I might have to write a nasty blog about it! Just saying! But hopefully...it will be all ok!

Oh, this is my first blog in September...Sweet! Happy September!


Ok, and for me excitement of my upcoming DC adventure, here is a special treat, the first time I saw DC and his new band in Atlanta back last December! Woot Woot! Again, not MY video, I borrowed it from someone who was smart enough to smuggle a camera, so thanks random person!

Twitter...not for everyone

Okay, really...if you are going to have a twitter and you are someone people WANT to follow...like David Cook...maybe you should make a friggin effort! Come on! If I am going to watse text messages to know when you tweet maybe you should be funny! Or hell...how about YOU actually do the tweeting and not some person on your crew...seriously...And if not, maybe you should have stuck to the decision of NOT JOINING! Good grief! Such a disappointment that the guy who dressed up as Terry and the Green Man and a self proclaimed WORD NERD is a lame twitterer! BAH!

Oh, and now I can only pray that Skibbers does better...dreams.

You Know What Bugs Me...

Ok, well that's not too fair because a lot of things bug me, but right now...this is what's on my mind.

1. Seriously people, if you have met David Cook 54857545 times, back the f*ck off! I go online and see the same damn people with him, Dear God, I met Ryan and decided to not hound the guy so other people got the chance. I did that with Joey too! I mean, seriously, just because he recognizes you doesn't mean you guys are buds!

2. David, come on. What is sooooo wrong with the places I choose to go see your show? I get prepped b/c the night before you went out to meet fans...but I get there and it's like, "Nope! She's there tonight, I'm staying in!" BAH! And seriously, I love you, seriously. You are beyond perfect to me, except for the teeny fact that you don't seem NEAR as grounded as you did when you started...and don't get me started on someone else...AC on KC radio...BAH!

3. Why Portland? COME ON! Savannah ain't that damn bad!!!!! Jesus!!!! Someone come down here!

4. Communist Russia!

5. Needy people! They piss me off! Come on, back off! Who needs someone so they can go to sleep! I don't have to be up at the butt crack of dawn so why the hell do I HAVE to be in bed at 10?! And why do I have to sit up your ass as soon as you get home? Why do I get to feel like I have to make up everything to you for the rest of my life?!

6. Stinky breath! BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

7. ME! I bug me! I hate the fact that I take a break from something and then blow in the hole there's a concert in Knoxville that I missed! WHAT?! And why didn't I move after graduation?! BAH!

8. Whiny people! Dear God, get a life! So you don't get what you want right when you want it...Get over it! Grow up! Get a life! Quit whining and making the rest of the people around you miserable!

9. The people who give in to whiny people! And yes, that includes me! Pisses me off!

I'm sure there's more, but this is it for now...STUPID!

Seriously, Leave me the F*ck Alone!

Today is NOT the day to mess with me. I am jumpy and jittery and Jesus Christ just shut the fuck up! I hate my little yappering growling dogs. I hate my obsessive and possessive husband. I really don't understand why right now. It's not "that time of the month." I just hate you with a Goddamn passion right now. And would ne perfectly alright if you fell down a hole.

It was alright this morning, I saw my nephew and then...THEN! It just felt like my day was GONE. Any freedom I had vanished. Now it was all fucking planned out for me! I wanted to relax. Read, write, listen to music I FUCKING LIKE ON MY GODDAMN IPOD! Do I get that???? Nope, he gets off early after he asks me to bring him something to work that isn't essential, but I wanted him to FEEL like I care about his ass, so I spend more than an hour of my time in traffic! THANKS! And YOU get off early and want to take more of my time! THANKS!

MY LIFE. Not yours. MINE! Screw it! I am possessive of me! I get to be selfish b/c goddamn it! I want to! And BY GOD if you HATE it so much....GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck this! Seriously! Gimme a valium and a bottle of tequila! See ya tomorrow! GODDAMN!

Why Joey?! Why?!?!?!?!?!?!

I am soooooo sad! Seriously Mr. Clement? You have to go? I am sure you have your reasons...and I am glad I got to see such a wonderful guy...and I am glad you liked your headband and egg. So sweet and probably my favorite...and that includes Mr. Cook, but that isn't too fair figuring I haven't met him yet. But I gotta say, you are kick ass.

I wish you well on your next adventure and look forward to supporting that. But Iwill miss seeing you jumping around on stage and you doing your awesome kick for us on tour with my favorite American Idol Ever...It won't be the same...

I will jump and do a kick for you!