Dear God...

I decided the other night God, that I don't think I understand life. Not that anyone really does, but seriously, I feel like I am in the biggest test in my life and it has lasted...oh let's say 26 years and 7 months.

You give people dispositions right? So why give me THIS personality and THEN give me all of these trials that absolutely make me want to take a bottle full of medication and sleep it all away? Seriously?! You have to know what the fuck is going on...

And what's with this "idea" of giving it all up to you. Let you take my burden...well I thought a few prayers ago I distinctly asked for your help with this...leaving it up to you. Let you do your will, well unless your will is to keep me so miserable I decide to just give up, then I ain't feeling an easiness!

God, I don't hate you, more so b/c I am scared that if I did that I would go to hell or get struck by lightening and the go to hell.

How about this, I won't be selfish this time...

Dear God,

Please let him(you know who I am talking about God) find some sort of peace in life. I want him to smile more and laugh. To have moments where he feels like he's floating on clowds, have his dreams come true. Seriously, let his artistry be known and appreciated b/c that is what he wants. Let him entertain the people he wants. Let him bring smiles to others. Then, he can maybe honestly let what I did to him go. Not all for MY benefit, but for him. He can't stay this angry all the time or it will eat him alive.

You're dying daughter,

Me.

How's that? Will that work? I know it comes from a selfish place of my own sanity...but I NEED A BREAK! The guilt is consuming me to no end and I am sick and tired of writing stories not b/c I want to be creative but to write about a reality that helps me escape my own! My stories are drabble that aren't even worth my time, but if I don't write them I won't dream. I won't wish for anything, I will continue to be a mindless and emotionless zombie just trying to make it through another day.

This isn't a plea for help for my life...I don't see me slitting my wrists...I just want you to understand God, I think you got a piece of my story a little fucked up. I don't feel like Karma is right on this...I think the negative is sorta just coming...and coming...and coming...

Amen

And to all you people reading this...Yea, its a pity party for me, so if you don't like it...GET THE FUCK OFF THE PAGE!

4 weeks!!

In 4 weeks now I should be in Myrtle beach with my BFF and gettin ready to enjoy David Cook(or what me and Stinky call D-Pain.

So I am super duper excited and can't wait for my 3 in 4 coming up!!!


(I wrote this on Thursday Sept. 17th, so it IS accurate!)

5 Weeks and 1 Day! Before 3 in 4!

3 in 4. I have chanted that since the announcement of David Cook being at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach. I have already had plans to go to the SC State Fair Oct. 17 and GA State Fair on the 18, but now on Oct. 15, I will be in Myrtle Beach! The best 4 days of my life are coming up...in 5 weeks and 1 day!

I had planned on a countdown last go around, which didn't work out too well, thanks to...well...HIM(no not God, Thankfully, he is mostly on my side...I think.)

So I am trying again! I don't know if it will be days or if it will weeks or both...it will be when I need to remind myself that I have a great adventure, and Seriously Mr. Cook, if I don't meet you in these 4 days, seriously! I might have to write a nasty blog about it! Just saying! But hopefully...it will be all ok!

Oh, this is my first blog in September...Sweet! Happy September!


Ok, and for me excitement of my upcoming DC adventure, here is a special treat, the first time I saw DC and his new band in Atlanta back last December! Woot Woot! Again, not MY video, I borrowed it from someone who was smart enough to smuggle a camera, so thanks random person!

Twitter...not for everyone

Okay, really...if you are going to have a twitter and you are someone people WANT to follow...like David Cook...maybe you should make a friggin effort! Come on! If I am going to watse text messages to know when you tweet maybe you should be funny! Or hell...how about YOU actually do the tweeting and not some person on your crew...seriously...And if not, maybe you should have stuck to the decision of NOT JOINING! Good grief! Such a disappointment that the guy who dressed up as Terry and the Green Man and a self proclaimed WORD NERD is a lame twitterer! BAH!

Oh, and now I can only pray that Skibbers does better...dreams.

You Know What Bugs Me...

Ok, well that's not too fair because a lot of things bug me, but right now...this is what's on my mind.

1. Seriously people, if you have met David Cook 54857545 times, back the f*ck off! I go online and see the same damn people with him, Dear God, I met Ryan and decided to not hound the guy so other people got the chance. I did that with Joey too! I mean, seriously, just because he recognizes you doesn't mean you guys are buds!

2. David, come on. What is sooooo wrong with the places I choose to go see your show? I get prepped b/c the night before you went out to meet fans...but I get there and it's like, "Nope! She's there tonight, I'm staying in!" BAH! And seriously, I love you, seriously. You are beyond perfect to me, except for the teeny fact that you don't seem NEAR as grounded as you did when you started...and don't get me started on someone else...AC on KC radio...BAH!

3. Why Portland? COME ON! Savannah ain't that damn bad!!!!! Jesus!!!! Someone come down here!

4. Communist Russia!

5. Needy people! They piss me off! Come on, back off! Who needs someone so they can go to sleep! I don't have to be up at the butt crack of dawn so why the hell do I HAVE to be in bed at 10?! And why do I have to sit up your ass as soon as you get home? Why do I get to feel like I have to make up everything to you for the rest of my life?!

6. Stinky breath! BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

7. ME! I bug me! I hate the fact that I take a break from something and then blow in the hole there's a concert in Knoxville that I missed! WHAT?! And why didn't I move after graduation?! BAH!

8. Whiny people! Dear God, get a life! So you don't get what you want right when you want it...Get over it! Grow up! Get a life! Quit whining and making the rest of the people around you miserable!

9. The people who give in to whiny people! And yes, that includes me! Pisses me off!

I'm sure there's more, but this is it for now...STUPID!

Seriously, Leave me the F*ck Alone!

Today is NOT the day to mess with me. I am jumpy and jittery and Jesus Christ just shut the fuck up! I hate my little yappering growling dogs. I hate my obsessive and possessive husband. I really don't understand why right now. It's not "that time of the month." I just hate you with a Goddamn passion right now. And would ne perfectly alright if you fell down a hole.

It was alright this morning, I saw my nephew and then...THEN! It just felt like my day was GONE. Any freedom I had vanished. Now it was all fucking planned out for me! I wanted to relax. Read, write, listen to music I FUCKING LIKE ON MY GODDAMN IPOD! Do I get that???? Nope, he gets off early after he asks me to bring him something to work that isn't essential, but I wanted him to FEEL like I care about his ass, so I spend more than an hour of my time in traffic! THANKS! And YOU get off early and want to take more of my time! THANKS!

MY LIFE. Not yours. MINE! Screw it! I am possessive of me! I get to be selfish b/c goddamn it! I want to! And BY GOD if you HATE it so much....GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck this! Seriously! Gimme a valium and a bottle of tequila! See ya tomorrow! GODDAMN!

Why Joey?! Why?!?!?!?!?!?!

I am soooooo sad! Seriously Mr. Clement? You have to go? I am sure you have your reasons...and I am glad I got to see such a wonderful guy...and I am glad you liked your headband and egg. So sweet and probably my favorite...and that includes Mr. Cook, but that isn't too fair figuring I haven't met him yet. But I gotta say, you are kick ass.

I wish you well on your next adventure and look forward to supporting that. But Iwill miss seeing you jumping around on stage and you doing your awesome kick for us on tour with my favorite American Idol Ever...It won't be the same...

I will jump and do a kick for you!

Why-O, Why-O, Why-O is Sex so damned Great-O

Really...I don't see the big deal. Having had sex since the ripe age of 18...It's not all that. Even when you get the big O! I mean, it's cool and all, and when you are young and doing it b/c you think you are suppose to, you're like, "Yea, I am awesome because I am having sex." Then if you go off and have sex with strangers to do the casual thing...Seriously you have to be hardcore for that! I mean no feelings what so ever. How do you do something like that and not care! I think about those few times ALL the time, reminding myself I was young and stupid.

If you haven't had sex, seriously there is NO rush! No biggie. It's a bunch of talk. TV and movies have it wrong...magic it is not. No angels, no fireworks...it's sex.

And why are there soooo many ways? And why is it bad if you aren't interested in all of them? I sure don't think penis's are the awesomest thing ever. They are goofy looking!! And come on a girl's cooter? DISGUSTING! Seriously! And you want to put your mouth near those! WHY?! And anal sex? Come on guys aren't you at all worried about pulling out a doo doo log? really?! And how does that FEEL good? iot hurts to take a big dump...imagine a penis...come on!

Sex is Sex. You procreate. Sometimes it feels alright, but not life and death. If you can't live without it for days without walkking like a hunchback b/c of your nuts guys....there's something physically wrong and you need to go to the dr. get a damn prescription b/c there is no rule that says a healthy sex life means sex ATLEAST once a day, preferrably more. You can just go to the bathroom with a magazine...happy hand!

And if you ARE a guy making you're girlfriend feel bad about how uncomfortable you are, how is that any different than rape? Think about it. They don't want to, but you take their sympathy for your well-being and make them feel like this is the only way you can feel better, so they do it against their will just so they don't feel guilty! Screw you!

Sex is dumb, wait until you are ready for someone who is amazing...Someone you are seriously obsessed with and can't see yourself doing anything else but being with them! Then maybe there are some sparklers...

Expantion on the Eye Sex

Okay, my moment is at 2:51 he looks out and gives a raised eyebrow and searches with his hand and shrugs his shoulder...this isn't my video I borrowed it from someone who went to the show too and she was farther right than me...but that moment, is mine! Just for me! A moment between me and DC, forever in my mind! WOOHOO!!!!

Chattanooga Nookie (Sort of)

Can someone say eye sex? I can! And I do! And I DID that night! Can you tell from the picture?

Now I seem to ALWAYS have eye moments with this huge handed man, he who has the sexiest voice, and even though I KNOW we have eye moments, some could argue that maybe it was just in my general to make us ALL feel special. Yea, sure, whatever makes you feel better. It's ALL for me! (If you are so lae as to think I am THIS narcisistic then F*ck you dude...damn TARD!). But this night of nights(yes I quote High School Musical 3...so sue me!), my wonderful charming sexy man, let me know, without a DAMN doubt that he indeeds pays me attention! Doing the robot in the audience apparently works! Now that I have told you my secret, I must change my tactics, but I will be honest now to share my exerience.

So with all of this MJ business, God Bless you Michael, I have had Dancing Machine by the Jackson 5 stuck in my head randomly. So, We're Only Honest starts playing and I lean next to y friend and shout that I have that song STILL stuck in my head and proceed to do the robot(If you didn't know, MJ first did the Robot to this song back in the day and it was SICK!) So I look up from the Robot and there he was giving me the, "WTF?" look and then continues to peer with his eyes to see me better I assume(I looked good! :P). Then he shrugs his shoulder. And that was all for me! My 4 seconds of personal PESONAL Stage time. And maybe there wasn't words, but we didn't need any! B/c throughout the entire show, we were Eye F*cking. And I left satisfied, but Always wanting more. Whew...

More random posts about THIS show to come...

And the Countdown Begins...6 days

6 more days until my next DC adventure with my bestest bud, Stinky.

We went to the AI tour last year in August, then we went to a freebie in Atlanta in December. Then on the Declaration Tour we started on 3/26 in NC(the asshole of the universe!).

That's where this pic came from. He was outside throwing around a football, and we watched.

So, in 6 days David...I will be out in the audience...waiting!

I know...

I know it's hard to keep your eyes off of me when I am in the audience David, but you must give every one a little of eye time with ya!

Good Gravy I love you looking over at me though, so don't give too much away.

Hawtness!!!!!

Michael Jackson...an amazing man!

My tribute to the amazing Michael Jackson!

It won't be long but anyone who was ever a fan of MJ knows he doesn't need a lot of words.

You were an amazing talent! Come on! The 80's were ALL you man! And you were the center of Jackson 5!

All I want to do is dance when I hear your music and I hate to say that I even tear up at the Free Willy song!

So Michael, your music will live on...through your own music AND the music of others!

Congratulations! You're an @$$hole!

Seriously...The evening is going nice. I mean, not my ideal, my ideal is having some drinks with my Stinky and company(which happens to include my twin too sometimes...) and playing guitar hero or going and seeing my favorite person in concert, but tonight was alright. No big fights ina few hours, content. He bought beer for him and my brother(I don't drink beer). They cooked eggs and sausage sat and ate and drank a beer together. Then he had another...then another....then 2 more....and he started to sit by himself in the dining while my brother and I are waiting for him to come and join in the game. I call to him and asks if he's alright. He nods, I go and check and he's crying to himself. Yay...I go and try to comfort but nothing. So I wash the dishes left behind. He continues, then he gets ridiculously pissy at the dogs and mumbles and cusses them out by himself after they have left...

Now he is a drunk fool only soldifying what is about to happen. Lucky for me they have annulment papers online And I an SURE filling those out ASAP! If I cant do that, then I will pray I get a job so I can afford a damn divorce! Who is suppose to put up with this? Not me! Fuck this shit! Scaring me half to death! Please give me a reason! Just one to call the police! Just one! Get loud once...go ahead...lemme call my mom and my uncle and get them to come back here and let me let him let you HAVE IT! PLEASE!

Happy Birthday You Old Fool!

I couldn't resist! This is a post dedicated to good Ol' Stinky.

I wanna wish you a very happy birthday! And tell you how much I love ya! Evenif you are old and can't keep up with a youngin' like me!

You are the bestest friend a gal like me could ever ask for! So anything you need aside from sponge baths and bedpans, I'm your person! Remember that!

Now! Go have the best day ever and remember to wear your Depends Diaper for any accidents due to over excitement!

I LOVE YOU STINKERS!!!!!!

YAWN!

Dude, why is it a problem with people when you are tired. I like sleep. I like it a lot. I mean I would sleep 12 hours if I had nothing better to do! SO why do some people refuse to let you sleep? I can sleep whenever(Well, except after having a gun pointed at me). I am not wasting anything wanting to take a nap.

And if I look tired and you ask me, "What's wrong?" And then I answer, "Oh, I'm just tired." Why would you call me whining? YOU ASKED ME! Right?

Dreaming I am good at. I can usually depict the kind of dream I would like to have....not too specifically(Damn handcuff dream!), but I can give it a boost!

And I can sleep with dogs. And I like to sleep with MY teddy bear even if someone is lying with me. Sorry! I only cuddle a bit of the time, b/c I like to sleep on my stomach! Makes it difficult to cuddle. I don't like people laying on me b/c it's hot. And who the F*CK likes sleeping when you are hot? Where is that comfortable?

SO, World, I am tired a lot of the day even though I didn't save the world. Does that make me lazy? Who knows, but I don't care. B/c what matters is that I am awake for important things, like family and friends crisis and seeing David Cook in concert! SO I am FINE! So guess what? IF you got a problem with it? DEAL!

F*ck You All!

F*ck all of you who think I am crazy...I am fine!

F*ck all of you who want me to grow balls...I have them, I choose when to use them!

F*ck all of you who think I am self-centered and controlling. If I had things my way f*cking way then I wouldn't be around you! If I was selfish then I sure as hell wouldn't spend my PRECIOUS time on you or worried about how the F*CK you feel!

F*ck the people who won't hire me, you know what? I work hard, heaven forbid you f*cking call me!

F*ck Kim and Tina! I just HATE you! Seriously, how do you survive!

F*ck all of you who say dreams are possible. Dreams are possible for the select lucky few. Determination takes you only so far...and so does luck.. Do you really think anyone could have that happen? Then why isn't everyone who works hard a billionare? Look at Teachers @ssholes!

F*ck you assholes who are snobs. Not just rich snooty tooties, I mean "artists". "All that is mainstream is corporate bullsh*t and all who look, listen or watch it are mindless zombies who know nothing" you know who you are! So what, Mmmbop is a great F*CKIN SONG! GET OVER YOURSELF!

F*ck you people who want people up your damn ass all the time. It's dark and stinky, so you blame me???? Jesus!

F*ck all of you who think the only way is to be honest about everything and completely open. Dude, if I wanted you to know, then I would tell you. Sometimes people just need some things to themselves.

F*ck all of you who whine when they get something good or what they want. Seriously, if all you had to do was being photographed randomly...b/c you are walking the street...come on! Get over it! You had to have a clue what you were signing up for, it's not like tabloids just came around 2 minutes ago!

F*ck me for letting all of you get to me! ACK!

Seriously?!

How do you sign up to be this man's microphone?

I could totally be okay with that!

Day in and Day out waiting for the moment he steps up and does that?!

Yea! I would do it for free!! Hey DC!

I would be better than that mic, I give tongue back! Just sayin!

Names are Changed to Protect the Guilty!

I had a blog...I can't update it b/c my cyber stalker found it and he LOVED my posts that were suppose to just be out there were found b/c he googled my name, all of my usernames I have ever used...It was a bit scary! So I cleverly set this new one up to take the place of it. We'll see him try and find it!

So, here's my new one, with whatever I want! About whoever I want and no one will no the difference...

GOOGLE ME NOW ASSHOLE!